Matt's story

39 year old teacher Matt from Hackney found himself in suicidal crisis after losing his dad to suicide.

“I lost my dad three years ago and it completely changed my world, it was such a traumatic time. Last summer around the anniversary of his death I was spiralling, I just felt utterly apathetic about being here, I’d lost interest in life. My mind went to a dark place and I started thinking about suicide as almost a tribute to my dad, a way to be close to him, to show him how significant his death was. I was seeing a therapist at the time who recognised I needed more support and told me to go to my GP. My GP suggested I contact Hackney Crisis team, who then put me on to James’ Place. I was nervous about going for the first time but everyone was so welcoming, respectful and chill. It was a bit strange sitting in the waiting room with other men, knowing we were all there for the same reason.

My therapist was great, he was quite straight-talking, which I needed, very practical and pragmatic. He made me see that I would have to put some work into getting better. We had weekly sessions over the next six weeks, I talked, he gave me tools, methods to cope and helped me overcome some of my negative thinking that had become so entrenched. Using the therapy cards with the emotions and behaviours meant that the vocabulary was right there for you to pick up. I was evaluated before every session and to see my distress scores starting to come down helped me know I was on the right track. It helped that I felt like I was completing a course of treatment, that there was a time limit on it, it made me want to get to the end. After my treatment I was out of crisis and felt a lot safer. People close to me noticed a real difference, I felt I was actually standing straighter and taller, and more able to deal with things. When I went to James’ Place I was so lost and had no direction. I couldn’t imagine a future, but going there gave me back hope. I’d tell anyone else feeling the same way to give it a try – it’s not easy but what have you got to lose?  Life is a precious gift and I’m glad I can see it that way again.”

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