Yannick's story

“In autumn 2023  I became suicidal and was thinking seriously about ending my life. I’d just graduated and wasn’t sure what direction my life would take, much less what direction I could take myself in. Resulting from an amalgamation of past experiences and repressed emotions came a sentiment that I was little more than a passenger in my own life, my future no more than a puppet controlled by the strings of my past – the only control I found was in the one choice which I felt remained, the choice as to whether I wanted to continue to exist. I had been seeing a therapist for a while but once they realised that I was actively suicidal they referred me to James’ Place.

It was quite a strange feeling when I first arrived at the London centre. London generally is a city I find quite stressful to be in, it’s out of my comfort zone completely, although as soon as I stepped through the doors at James’ Place I felt at ease and reassured. Doorways have always been symbolic to me insofar as I see them, in a physical sense, to represent openings to a different place; entering through the front door at James’ Place impacted me emotionally and immediately, as I came to the realisation that I had taken the first step on a path I had never previously seen myself as being capable of walking.

The therapy itself felt distinctly different to anything I had experienced before, not only in a therapeutic sense, but also in a wider context of my relationships with others. Sometimes I’ve felt like people try to put me in a particular box to make sense of me, but at James’ Place I felt like my therapist created an environment conducive to unapologetic authenticity, in which I could open up not only about all my feelings and experiences, but also about my perception of them. The fact that the therapy was so individually tailored meant I was able to express myself in ways I needed, but until then had never been able to; having finally felt heard, I was then able myself to fully hear the words of my therapist without any background noise in my head, and these words were nothing short of life changing.

My experience at James’ Place now forms the safety net between myself and suicidality, formed largely out of the learned habits I developed with my therapist, habits such as journalling and other creative outlets.  On difficult days I have something to fall back on, something which keeps me from the grasp of thoughts about ending my life. James’ Place has really transformed not only the way I think but also the way I live, and so on better days I realise how my head is no longer in the clouds, but above them, as I find myself looking out at life and enjoying it for how it is, as it is.”

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